“Feelings are not facts.”
This Guiding Principle reminds me that no matter how strongly I feel about my point of view, it is still a feeling; it’s not an objective statement of reality. No matter how intensely I may feel I’m right about something, realizing that feelings are not facts keeps me from being self-righteous, and it allows me to be open to other people’s thoughts and feelings.
Prior to coming to this Guiding Principle, if I felt I was right and the other person was wrong, I became closed to what others felt. Often I’d go into my “You can’t stop me if I think I’m right!” act, declaring that what I felt was true and unarguable and I was going to act on it no matter what.
I mentioned that the false payoffs of our acts are that they allow us to be right and make others wrong; either to dominate others or to avoid being dominated. Your acts cost you self-expression, satisfaction, vitality, and well-being, and they keep you out of attunement with yourself and others. The Guiding Principle that feelings are not facts reminds me that, no matter how intensely I feel I’m right about something, it’s only my feeling. It guides me to realize that being open to other people’s feelings, rather than trying to make other people wrong, dominate them, or avoid being dominated by them, gives me the possibility of creating mutually fulfilling relationships.
An excerpt from my recent book, Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living, now available at Amazon.
- 19 Jan, 2015
- Posted by Steve Fogel
- 0 Comments